


my spirit doesn't move like it did before

by fayrefallen



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clarke Griffin Deserves Better, Clarke Griffin/Lexa - Freeform, Multi, Unplanned Pregnancy, bellarke endgame but clexa flashbacks, canon? i don't know her, clarke has a child, not super echo friendly, there will be ships later on, this is me throwing a tantrum about s5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-12 05:08:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17461196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fayrefallen/pseuds/fayrefallen
Summary: Seven years after Praimfaya, spacekru comes hurtling back to earth only to find that what they were sure they knew, is no longer true. Clarke walked away from Camp Jaha after the mountain fell and when they never saw her again, they knew she had to have died in Praimfaya. Not only is Clarke alive, she has a child.And that's just the tip of the iceberg.





	1. chapter i

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my temper tantrum i hope you enjoy your stay

Two horses stand on the ridge. One, mounted by a child with eyes wise beyond her years. The other’s rider is already halfway down the hill with her arms raised, she knows this group used to be trigger happy. Better to be cautious.

Clarke smiles softly as she approaches, wonders if the people that fell from space are the same ones she walked away from. 

Carefully tended curls flow her to her waist, clothes well made and suited to her. There’s a nobility to her stance.

“We weren’t sure you’d made it,” is the first thing out of her mouth when she reaches the group, just barely done stumbling out of their tin can of a shuttle. “I’m glad you did.”

They look at her as if she’s a ghost, and to them, she’s sure she is. They haven’t seen her since she walked away from Camp Jaha’s gates and left to find her own semblance of peace. A way to forgive herself for the lives she had taken.

Bellamy steps forward first. Of course, he does. “Clarke?”

Confusion lines his features, Clarke wants to smooth her fingers over his brow like she would have when they were seven years younger but it’s not her place to do so now. It barely was then. After all this time imagining how she would reunite with this exact group of people, she honestly doesn’t know what to say now. Do they still see her as a friend? Or do they hate her for abandoning them?

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” Her shoulders are back, spine straight. She’s surer of herself than any of them remember. “It’s a bit of a hike though, so we should talk on the way.” 

Monty moves second. A flurry of dark hair and arms winding around her middle, holding her silently. She wraps him within her own after barely a second, let’s him take the time that he needs to make sure she’s real. Clarke meets the others’ eyes over his shoulder as she does.

Bellamy, Harper, Raven, Murphy, Emori, and Echo.

She schools her face when she reaches the last one, doesn’t let her emotions over the woman’s actions show. Sooner or later, that will need to be dealt with but it can wait at least until they get back to the village.

“How the hell are you here?” Monty asks as he begins to pull back, gripping her elbows before letting go.

Clarke sighs, a knowing smile flitting over her lips. She’s missed him. Before she can answer, she’s caught in a whirlwind of hugs, every member of the crew, sans Murphy, Emori, and Echo are clutching her to them. Shudders of held breaths finally being loosed when they touch her. They thought she was dead. She was dead. There was no way Clarke Griffin had survived Praimfaya, if she even lived that long.

When finally she is allowed to be out of their arms, she speaks.

“Praimfaya jumped over us,” she shrugs, an easy huff of a laugh. “By the time any of us heard news of the storm, it was too late to make it to Polis. But during my first few months here I discovered a bunker, not that it would have done us much good. I had no idea how to operate most of the equipment. We hid there for a few days before I figured out how to read the gauges, and they were all saying that the air was fine. I don’t know why or how, but Shallow Valley wasn’t affected.”

“Badass, Clarke,” Raven says, looking like she wants to hug Clarke again.

When Clarke smiles, she looks proud. And maybe they can see it, the people in the valley are her’s now.

“Come on.”

She nods her head over her shoulder and begins to move back to the ridge, the horses, and the girl.

Their stares bore into her back but she pays them no mind, she’s used to that.

Bellamy matches pace with her but stays silent, the way he used to when he had something to say but didn’t know how to get it out. Clarke watches him out of the corner of her eye but lets his lips catch up with his mind.

“You didn’t come back.” It’s not an accusation or placing of blame. He’s simply stating a fact.

“I couldn’t,” she responds. Blue meets brown, holds for three heartbeats. “I couldn’t, Bellamy.”

There are laughs and exclamations of wonder at being back on Earth behind her. Raven picks a flower as she walks, Clarke watches and wishes she knew how to talk to her. How to apologize for not coming back and helping her through whatever she had to face next. Monty looks over her shoulder and tells her what species it’s from. Murphy’s happy to not have to eat algae anymore.

At the top of the ridge stands the girl, dismounted and holding the reins for both horses. Blonde, blue-eyed, and proud. The spitting image of her mother at seven years old.

Clarke runs a hand over her shoulder and then clutches her chin, the movements completely familiar. The girl’s eyes flit from Clarke to the people behind her and back again.

“This is Areia,” Clarke says it with such warmth that the next words are almost unnecessary, the newcomers are already thinking it. “I’d like you to meet my daughter.”

She can almost see them counting back, the ones that were there with her seven years and nine months ago. Doing the mental math and then wondering how they didn’t know that she was pregnant when she was irradiating a civilization and saving their lives. And then maybe it’s a little easier to understand why she never came home.

“Hi.” Bellamy immediately wants to kick himself, though he doesn’t have anything better to say anyway. “Uhm — wow. It’s nice to meet you Areia.”

He’s pretty sure he’s having a coronary.

They all are.

Crash landed on earth after six years. Found out the friend they knew was dead isn’t. Said friend has a kid.

“I kinda feel like I already know you,” Areia speaks like someone decades older than herself and considering who she was raised by, it’s not shocking, but her smile is suited for a child. “Nomon has told me stories of the hundred.”

It’s almost like she’s meeting her storybook heroes. Except, that’s exactly what’s happening. Clarke has always been kinder to them than herself in her retellings of history.

“She looks just like you, Clarke,” when Harper smiles, her eyes crinkle and Clarke feels a sudden rush of affection for the woman.

They were only together for a few months, back at the dropship and then trying like hell to survive the mountain. A few months compared to a lifetime is nothing. Nothing. And yet, though she has a family now, one she built herself, she realizes just how much she missed them. Clarke reaches out a hand to squeeze Harper’s, really and truly saying hello. Welcome home.

“Any other startling news you need to tell us?” Murphy asks while he eyes Areia, trying to wrap his mind around her existence.

“The Polis bunker made it. Octavia and nearly all of the others are alive.” Her smile is wide and filled with more happiness than any of them new she could possess.

“My sister’s okay?” Bellamy’s voice filled with hope and his eyes desperation.

“Yes,” Clarke nearly laughs, “When we get back to the valley you can radio her, she’s going to be wondering what fell out of the sky anyway.”

She says the last comment with a roll of her eyes and it’s filled with some joke that they’re not in on.

“So?” Clarke asks her daughter, the humor gone and a motherly mask of devotion in its place.

“No.”

“Okay,” Clarke nods. This was their deal. “Take Topi back with you, I’ll walk our travelers in just tell Denna to find a place for them to sleep tonight, okay?”

“Okay.” Areia mounts her own horse, Nox, and regathers Topi’s reigns. She casts her gaze back over the others, settling on Bellamy a little longer than the others. “See you back at home.”

Areia turns the horses and starts heading back to the village, her braid bouncing on her back.

“It’s safe for her to be traveling by herself?” Raven asks, whether concerned or judgemental Clarke can’t tell. She can’t read any of them as well as she once did.

“The Earth you left isn’t the same one you’ve come back to.” Clarke starts walking in the direction her daughter disappeared in, the woods almost immediately swallowing them up. “It’s safe now. There are no wars. We hunted the dangerous animals. Everyone is safe and we’ve finally found peace. You don’t have to worry.”

Clarke wonders if she needs to worry about them. Could these people she used to love, and the two they’ve brought with them, set her new world ablaze?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think !


	2. Chapter 2

It takes them an hour to get back to the village. It takes one minute for the onslaught of questions to begin.

Clarke answers them the best she can.

Why isn’t Octavia with her? The first thing out of Bellamy’s mouth. 

“We meet for a few weeks on an island halfway between the valley and Polis every six months when the water level goes done. It’s too dangerous to travel across the ocean otherwise. We have three months until we can get to them again. But they’re doing well, Bellmay, I promise.”

“Why didn’t they just move here?”

Clarke glances over her shoulder to Echo, it’s the first time she’s spoken.

“Something about too many cooks in the kitchen,” Clarke chuckles until she realizes that the others aren’t laughing with her, they really have been separated for a long time. “Wonkru are Octavia’s people and well, we were happy with things the way they were. When we meet for the summit some of her people come to live here, and ours with her. Just to get a new perspective.”

Clarke barely needs to keep her eyes on the trees to know where to avoid walking while she answers their questions. The way she walks is familiar, but only because she’s walking like a grounder, like this forest is her home. Like she never lived in space at all.

“So the air was fine all along?” Harper looks a little crestfallen, worried that they just spent six years in space for nothing.

“Only here in the valley.” Clarke ducks under a low hanging branch. “We’ve never been able to figure out why. It was toxic in Polis until two years ago so the bunker there, and you going to space, was necessary. You would have died if you stayed on the surface.”

The terrain around them is healthy, thriving. It’s hard to believe that the rest of the planet is still reeling from a radiation wave. One could almost pretend it never happened at all. Birds call to one another overhead, swooping through the sky with abandon. The brush rustles as animals too small to be prey run from the sound of their steps.

It’s a shock. All of it.

“So you were here,” Bellamy asks tentatively as if he were approaching a wounded animal and didn’t want to spook it, “the whole time?”

Clarke hums.

“I wandered for three weeks,” she says matter of factly, “I was half dead when Arlo found me — he’s a hunter for the village. I hadn’t realized I was pregnant yet or I would have…” She shrugs then, she doesn’t really know what she would have done. “Well they nursed me back to health and I stayed. Praimfaya hit a few months before I had Areia. There was no time to pull myself together and head back to Skaikru.”

Not home or my people. Skaikru. She doesn’t know how to apologize for choosing herself over them.

That’s when they come upon the first house. It’s built right into the forest like it’s always belonged there. A woman is in the garden tending to her crops when she notices the approaching group. She smiles wide at the sight of Clarke, a hand rises in greeting.

“Hainofi rode through and said you had some strays with you.” The woman’s gaze is sharp when she looks them over like she’s assessing their worth. 

“These are your space friends, yes?”

Echo and Emori share a look.

“Hainofi?” Harper asks in a whisper.

“Princess,” they answer in unison, brows raised.

“They got sick of the stars,” Clarke answers, “Thought they’d join us on the ground for a while.”

“Hmm,” the woman begins to turn back to her task, “I’ll see you among the fires tonight.”

The group begins to walk again. Behind her back, Spacekru share looks and prodding elbows until Bellamy sighs and steps to Clarke’s side.

“Who is Hainofi?”

Clarke would love to not answer, would love to not have this conversation.

“It’s Areia.” She leaves it at that and hopes she can get away with it.

They’re passing more homes and people now, each one calling out a greeting to Clarke and some even a welcome to the newcomers. The forest is beginning to thin enough that it’s growing lighter and with the light comes more sound.

As peaceful as the village is when they step into it, it’s still full of people. After being one of seven for so long, it’s hugely overwhelming.

Bright colors are everywhere from the cloth hanging from the trees to the paint covering the buildings. People mill about, laughing and talking and seemingly without a care. There are carts lining the streets holding food and trinkets and all other kinds of supplies. For a full minute their eyes cannot hold on any one thing, desperately they try to soak up as much of Clarke’s home as possible.

When they begin to come to their senses they realize that Clarke is smiling, not at the village but at them.

“It’s amazing isn’t it?” she’s endlessly proud of this place, of her home.  
Before any of them can answer, a woman approaches. Her dark brown hair is tied into a braid and her smile comes easily. She sweeps her gaze over the group, stopping to settle on the one with freckles.

“Haiplana,” Denna says, the word fond more than respectful. Her smile becomes a smirk, “Wow.”

“Don’t,” Clarke chides. Her old friends are endlessly lost.

“Hmm, okay.” Denna shakes her head but doesn’t continue with her teasing. Though she certainly enjoys their confused looks. “‘Reia passed along your message, I’ve got beds set up in the church for them tonight, we can find something more permanent tomorrow.”

There’s an ease between the two women, how they speak, how the move next to one another. They’re either sleeping together or they’ve been through a lot with each other. At least that’s what Murphy thinks.

“Thank you, I’m going to take them to speak with Octavia and then we can get them settled in.”

They share a few words in trigedasleng so low and quick that even Emori and Echo can’t make out what they’ve said. Denna turns away from her with a grin.

“So how did you get put in charge of this place?” Murphy asks, only a slightly judgmental tone in his voice.

“Dragged head first, kicking and screaming,” Denna throws over her shoulder as she walks away.

Clarke scoffs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think !


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to start flashing back to fill in the gaps of what happened to Clarke over the seven years!

The first thing she remembers is Denna's voice. Later, she's told that she had woken several times before, but she doesn't remember those moments.

Denna murmurs to herself while she cleans one of the cuts on Clarke's arm, sighing through an old poem in Trigedasleng that Clarke can't understand. She watches the young woman's face until she realizes that her ward is awake.

"You're with us again," she says softly, relief tangling with her words.

When Arlo had carried Clarke into the village, they were sure she would not make it. Between the wounds she had managed to collect and the state of starvation and dehydration, there was not much hope. Still, they cleaned her off and set to tending her gashes, forced water between her lips and waited. Clarke was unconscious for three days before she began to swim to the surface.

"I feared you would be lost to the world forever."

Clarke's lips twitch, an attempt to form words but unable to find the strength to push them out.

"Don't strain yourself, you need to rest." The strength in her eyes left no room for arguing, even if Clarke could do so. "It is Gonasleng, yes? You were confused earlier when I used Trigedasleng."

Clarke went in and out over the next few hours, Denna and sometimes a man she would later know as Rey would be there tending to her, rebandaging wounds that were bleeding through, offering her water. She tried to do as she was told and rest but this was difficult to do with the rising panic in her heart.

Clarke had no idea where she was, or even when she was. How much time had passed since the Mountain fell? She remembers her first few days in the forest but everything after that is a blur. What had happened to her to leave her in this state. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew. It was her, wasn't it? A lack of willpower to live on landed her here. Halfdead and surrounded by people she does not know.

On the second day, she speaks. Denna has her half undressed to wash away the grime that they were too afraid to clean off of her when she was unconscious.

"Where are we?" Her voice is hoarse and breaks over the words.

She sounds weak. She hates it.

"Shallow Valley." Denna looks encouraged by the development. "More specifically, my home. I'm Denna. We do not have a healer here and I feared to bring one."

"The war?" Possibly a bad thing to ask, probably will lead to her death.

It doesn't.

"Ah, I figured so." The corners of her lips twitch up into a knowing smile. "The war is over, Heda and her army are returning to their homes, so are your sky people. That was you, yes? You saved them."

Clarke shakes her head no and closes her eyes. Denna doesn't press the issue.

The next time she wakes she asks, "How did you know?"

Denna crosses the room to take a seat beside her bed, the one she gave up for a blonde stranger. She holds Clarke's gaze before she answers. 

"Three of our people were in the Mountain when Heda freed them, and left yours to die. One was Arlo's wife, the man who brought you to me. She said you refused to leave without your people, and then the mountain was destroyed. She will not tell who you are until you decide you want to, you may rest here as long as you need."

The pain in Clarke's chest far outways any on her skin. Nothing Earth could do to her body could be worse than seeing the faces of the children she murdered. She doesn't want to be spoken to like she is a hero, she wants to be punished for the lives she took. It hurts to remember why she took them. Who she took them for. She thinks of them and knows her decision to leave was the only one she would have survived, even if leaving nearly killed her. Her heart can't take loving them.

"Thank you," Clarke rasps out, only because it seems like the right thing to say, "for saving my life."

"Don't worry, sky girl, once you're on your feet I am sure we can find a way for you to repay me." Her smile is playful and Clarke almost laughs.

Almost.

 

"Beja hod op!" Denna cries as she enters her home to find Clarke trying, and mostly failing, to stand on her own.

Five days have passed since she woke and despite Clarke growing restless, her body has yet to catch up to her decision to be done lying around. Half risen from the bed, she's already feeling dizzy.

She collapses just as Denna reaches her side, winding an arm around her middle just in time to keep her from crashing to the floor. With a huff and a murmur of Trigedasleng words she hasn't learned yet, Denna helps her back into bed. She gives the blonde a glare in hopes of making her stay there.

"I can't stay cooped up anymore, Denna," Clarke pleads, already bored out of her mind.

"Well, that is too bad because you don't have any other option right now." Denna goes to retrieve the firewood she'd dropped at the sight of her newest ( and in her opinion most idiotic ) friend. "Unless you would like your body to finally give out on you and then die. Do you want to die, Clarke?"

Her words are full of sarcasm and if Clarke was in a better mental state and maybe a few years less mature, she'd consider sticking her tongue out at her. Instead, she resigns to settling into the bed and watches Denna build a fire.

 

Rey comes back on the day Denna decides Clarke is allowed to try walking. He's all floppy brown hair and too easy smiles and a peace she's only seen once before. It hurts to look at him but she makes herself do it anyway. He holds her to his side with an arm around her waist and lets her put her weight on him as she shuffles around Denna's cottage. Denna cheers her on from her other side. Clarke almost smiles.

Almost. 

 

She's allowed outside after that, but only if Denna or Rey go with her. On the first day, she barely makes it to the front door but Denna let's her stand there for a few minutes. She says the fresh air will do Clarke good. When she begins to cry, Denna leads her back to bed. The second day, she makes it a few feet outside of the house. The two sit in the grass and Denna tells her stories and never asks for any in return.

Denna begins letting others become a part of Clarke's life. The initial worry for her friend's safety nearly gone.

Poe brings them bread and if Clarke's awake, he'll stay for a while and play chess with her. Agathae, who Clarke believes to be the single oldest person alive, wanders through the village with two hens at her feet and when she sees Clarke she asks how the 'little mama' is doing. Clarke doesn't realize what she means for a while longer.

Jen and Vex are nearly ten and they hug Clarke, if Denna allows them to, every time they see her. She brought their father home from the Mountain. Mel, Arlo's wife, comes over in the afternoons and drinks tea with her. They rarely speak. They know there are no words for what they experienced.

Clarke slowly and oh so cautiously becomes a part of the village and when the first bounty hunter comes through, they lie for her.

"I need to leave." Panic rises in her chest and she can barely breathe around it. She won't be the reason that any of these people are hurt. Too many people are dead from her hand, and these, the people that took her in and let her heal and welcomed her into their home, no. She'll turn herself over before they die for her.

Denna rests a hand on her arm, stops her pacing.

"You're not going anywhere, Clarke. This is your home for as long as you want it to be, I already told you that. We do not fear the bounty hunters, and we do not fear you."

And so Clarke Griffin becomes Clarke Kom Louwada Klironkru.

 

A month passes and Clarke get's sick. Denna fusses over her for a few days and then stops, she realizes what it is before Clarke does.

She begins every day by rushing out of their shared home and losing whatever was in her stomach on the ground. Clarke stands there for a moment and collects her breath, tries to stop the world from spinning. She worries that the rest of the village is going to catch what she has but they haven't yet. Maybe she's allergic to something she's eating. By every evening she thinks it's passed, but the next morning she's ill again.

Three weeks after her arrival at the village, a few hunters return in bad shape, their game turned out to be far deadlier than they'd thought. By then, Clarke was allowed to walk and sometimes wander on her own so she was out when their cries grew close. The men were hauled into the church — Clarke didn't even think. Her hands were moving before her mind could catch up.

The stitches came like second nature. Setting a broken bone. Popping a dislocated shoulder back into place. She did was she raised to do and for once, saving lives came easier than taking them. Clarke worked until she was unsteady on her feet and Denna forced her to return home and rest, the hunters thanked her as she left. She gave them a rare, soft smile.

The village didn't have a healer, now it has Clarke Kom Louwada Klironkru.

After vomiting each morning, she sets out into the village to pay house calls. Doing her best to heal all that she comes across

"Shit," the word spills from her mouth on the seventh morning, one hand pressed into the side of her home, the other clutching her stomach.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Took you long enough," Denna says from behind her, leaning in the doorway, "I thought I was going to have to tell you."

"I'm pregnant, aren't I?" She's the healer and yet, she needs the confirmation. She needs someone else to make it real.

"Yes." Denna reaches out and leads Clarke back inside to try and get her to eat something like she usually does in the morning. "So who's the father?"

When Clarke looks over, excitement is shining in Denna's eyes and she can almost convince herself that this is a good thing.

Almost.

 

If it hadn't been the day she realized she was pregnant, she would have known it was happening. Had heard the whispers. Seen the sudden flurry of activity. But it was, so she didn't. Clarke shuffles through the village on the way back to her home after checking in on a boy with a slight fever.

"He'll be okay," she'd promised his mother.

Clarke is caught up in her thoughts about her own impending motherhood when a hand touches her back. She doesn't start, it's safe here. But, maybe not anymore.

"Clarke."

She doesn't need to look around to know that voice. It's haunted her dreams and nightmares since the mountain. It makes her feels equal parts hatred and desire.

She turns, trying to hide her reluctance. Her eagerness.

"Lexa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your thoughts so far? If you love me at my bellarke you have to love me at my clexa those are the rules


	4. Chapter 4

They're stopped several times as they move through the main thoroughfare of the village. Some stop them simply to say hello to Clarke or even her guests, seemingly okay with the sudden presence of seven strangers. Others, don't stop Clarke but Haiplana, asking a question that only she can answer, giving permission for some new project or other. She responds in trigedasleng without pause, the language flowing easily off her tongue.

"Haiplana?" Monty asks when they're on the other side of the village and halfway to the bunker.

Clarke takes a moment and looks at all of them, gauges what their faces are telling her. Even if she isn't an expert at reading them anymore.

"It means Queen," she sighs like she's reluctant to acknowledge it. "Denna only calls me that because she knows it annoys me. It's really just a formality."

She tries to laugh it off, tries to act like it doesn't mean anything. But they've seen Clarke in charge and by the way people treated her in the village, she certainly is here. She can feel Bellamy watching her and does her best not to look her way, sure that her eyes will give her away.

"Honestly, it just sort of happened." She leads them down a well-worn path through the woods and toward a cluster of boulders. Clarke stops there and turns to face them, actually looking nervous. "When Praimfaya was hitting they needed someone to hold them together and well I've never been good about minding my own business."

She leaves out the part about saving half of their lives at one time or another. The fact that she took down the Mountain didn't hurt either. 

"So what you're saying is that you haven't changed at all?" Bellamy grins down at her and she's suddenly eighteen again and he's bearing half of her burden and she trusts him with every ounce of her being.

"Ha ha," she says, deadpan. Her eyes smiling and her lips frowning, playing along as if seven years of history aren't standing between them. She misses him, my God does she miss him. He's right in front of her but she has no right to reach out and touch him if the sympathetic looks the others are throwing Echo mean anything.

Nostalgia touches Clarke's lips in a smile and she turns away before it can reach her eyes.

The door to the bunker is hidden in the boulders. It's unlocked and all she needs to do is push and it's sliding open, revealing a sloping hall and fluorescent lights.

"You just leave it unlocked?" Murphy asks as they file in behind her.

"Why would we need to lock it?" She knows what he must be thinking, all the things that people may steal. But she's leading through trust here, not fear.

If she had simply wanted to radio Octavia, she could have taken them to her home where she has a portable radio, but she wants the visual that only the bunker to provide. It took her a few weeks to figure it out back when they first needed to communicate with Polis but it's second nature now, and will provide a far better reunion for the Blake siblings. 

She leads the group to a room off of the main hall and pauses before she enters, hand on the doorknob. Clarke has held this off for as long as she can but she's out of time.

"I need to warn you," she starts, looking directly at Echo, "Octavia isn't going to be particularly... thrilled about you being here so you might want to stay out in the hall, at least until I can tell her that you're here."

Echo doesn't look surprised. The others look pissed.

"I understand," she bows her head, almost respectfully, and seems to genuinely grasp why Clarke is asking this of her. 

"Echo is one of us," Raven nearly chides, her brows drawn together.

Monty puts a hand on the spy's shoulder, "You shouldn't have to hide."

Bellamy is noticeably silent. At least noticeably to Clarke.

Clarke sighs but opens the door muttering under her breath as she goes, "this is going to be interesting."

Clarke moves across the room to a familiar control panel in the corner. Servers line the right wall and the one to left, computers and gauges. the back wall is covered in screens

She sends out a message for Octavia before she goes to start anything else. The others are talking behind her, commenting on what they've seen so far, muttering to Echo about how she's changed. Raven is inspecting the tech but keeping her hands to herself. Clarke doesn't expect that to last for long. Not that she wouldn't be glad for any upgrades the mechanic could provide.

By the time Octavia arrives at Polis' communications room Clarke has the audio up and running but not the visual, which usually takes a few minutes to connect, so she has no warning before Octavia speaks.

"Hey blondie, please tell you got laid last night."

Clarke almost dies.

"Wow, you are so going to regret saying that in like thirty seconds," Clarke says while seven pairs of eyes flash to her as she waits for their systems to catch up to each other. "I have a surprise for you."

"It better be that Otto is," her words cut out when the video programming goes through and her screen is filled with people she hasn't seen in nearly seven years. "Holy shit."

"Hey O." Bellamy's smile is nearly too big for his face as he stares at his sister.

"Bell, you're home." She looks good, healthy and happy. A woman now instead of a girl. Her dark hair is mostly hanging free around her shoulders with a few strands pulled back into braids. Her responding smile is wide and full of shock and then it's gone. The blood drains from her face.

Clarke can tell the exact moment her gaze moves from her brother to the others and then to Echo. And then to Clarke.

"I know," Clarke says softly, wants so desperately to keep this from getting out of hand. The others look to her as well. "Please just be happy that they're back safe, we can deal with everything else later, O."

"Clarke." Octavia's tone leaves no room for interpretation. She wants this dealt with now. She wants justice — revenge.

"Let's leave it until the summit and we can handle it then, okay?"

She can see how much this is killing Octavia. Other than Denna, Octavia is Clarke's best friend. Clarke knows what she's feeling, knows because she went through it with her despite being separated by an ocean. Every step of the way they handled it together. And now, the person who caused so much pain is here before them.

If Clarke hadn't spent seven years cleansing her soul of the things she had done, she'd be right where Octavia is. She'd want blood. But that's not how things work in the valley. They do not execute or torture here.

"O, she—" Bellamy tries to speak but Octavia's eyes are back on him and she cuts him off before more can come out.

"I'm glad you're safe, Bellamy." Her tone is clipped and that of Heda, not Octavia Blake. She asks Clarke, "Yes or no?"

"She said no," Clarke responds, shrugging but trying to keep her face neutral, trying to keep the other from guessing.

Octavia nods.

Clarke sighs, wishes there had been a better way to handle this. Wishes that they had listened to her and had Echo stay in the hall. She had hoped for a better reunion between the siblings. Had hoped that they could have all done better than they did seven years ago.

"I have to go, call me later, Clarke."

Clarke's 'sure' is barely out of her mouth before the brunette is spinning on her heels and marching from the room. Methodically, Clarke shuts down the system. Keeps her back to the others and her thoughts to herself for as long as she. Eventually, there's nothing left to do and she turns, faces the near strangers behind her.

"Saying I told you so would be rude, right?" Not that they don't deserve it.

"What the hell was that, how is she still that pissed at Echo?" Bellamy asks, his hands thrown up in the air.

"It's been seven years, you'd think she'd have gotten over it by now," Raven rolls her eyes.

"Between what Echo did at Mount Weather and coming this close to killing her, Octavia has plenty of reasons to hate her. But you've been gone for a while, you've missed a lot." Clarke's eyes flash to Echo, part of her apologetic, part of her hating the woman just as much as Octavia does. "You'll be safe here until the summit, and then there will probably be a trial."

"Whoa, a trial? Is that really necessary, Clarke?" Harper's hand grips Echo's arm and Clarke has never felt less like one of them than she does at this moment.

"I can try and talk O out of it but I haven't been able to in seven years, I don't see it happening now. But I will try." Clarke stands with her hands on her hips and stares at the ground for a moment almost wishing that it had been space junk falling to earth and not her old friends.

"You need to speak to your sister alone. I'll talk to her tonight and see if I can't get her to come around. She's missed you and I know this was not how any of us wanted your first conversation in nearly seven years to go. Just... go easy on her," Clarke nearly pleads at Bellamy.

She can't tell him what's happened, it's not her place, but she can't help but wish she could. It's not his fault he doesn't understand why his sister feels the way she does. All she can do is hope that Octavia will tell him herself. She has her own secrets to keep and she can't bear the weight of everyone elses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama! Next chapter will be another flashback. Please tell me your thoughts!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains Lexa and Clexa content. If this will cause you to leave a rude comment please don't read the rest of my fic.

Flashback

 

 

Clarke and Denna lie in bed that night, nearly shoulder to shoulder. Clarke has a hand to her stomach as she stares at the ceiling when Denna turns to face her with a look Clarke has begun to associate with an interrogation. With a sigh, she rolls over to her side so she can look her best friend in the eye.

"What?" Though she already knows.

"You care for her, don't you?" Denna doesn't beat around the bush. She never has and doesn't plan to start now.

"I hate her." Clarke pushes all of her anger into the words but they ring false, aren't quite true.

"And yet you still care for her."

"Yes." The word is soft and barely audible and Clarke hates herself for admitting it. Hates herself for caring about the woman who destroyed her.

Clarke came back to the cottage in a state. Refusing to acknowledge Denna, she threw herself into their now shared bed and pulled the fur over her head. She stayed there until night fell and Denna joined her.

She'd stared at Lexa for a full, silent minute before spinning on her heels and marching away. She didn't know what to say, couldn't make any of the words of hate pass her lips, no matter how much she wanted to spew them.

Arguably, Lexa knows her better than anyone. Not her history but who she is inside. The fears and decisions that can wrack the mind of a leader, of someone whose sole reason for being is keeping their people alive. The only difference is that Clarke's actions broke her, while Lexa does not have the luxury of falling apart. She silently wishes she had Lexa's strength.

"Heda will be here for a few more days," Denna finally says, her tone encroaching on treason. The voice of someone who would stand against her ruler if Clarke needed that of her.

"Okay," Clarke breathes.

The next morning she's ill again and then she's off to visit her patients. The boy with a fever, a hunter with a gash in his leg, another pregnant woman. They keep her busy through lunch and then she's free of responsibility and suddenly has too much time to think. She decides this is a bad idea.

Clarke's halfway to the river with her laundry when she hears someone behind her. Even now, after everything, she's so in tuned to the commander's presence that she knows that it's her before she even turns.

"You're following me now?" Acid drips from her words and Clarke's grateful for the barrier they create between them.

"I thought we should talk, you should know what has been going on." Lexa approaches her like she's a wounded deer that might flee at any moment. Clarke doesn't want her to be soft with her.

"You mean the fact that I'm being hunted? Is that why you're here, to drag me to Polis so you can claim whatever power your people think I weild?" Eyes are like daggers but when she thinks of wrapping her hands around Lexa's throat she fears what she might do if she were that close to her lips.

"No." Her voice is oh so gentle. "I didn't know you were here, Clarke. But now that I am, I see it. You have a life here, don't you? If it makes you happy, if it's helping you heal, then I won't tell your people that I found you. I'll leave you in peace."

Clarke almost believes she's genuine. Almost wants to believe her.

Almost.

"I had to kill all of them because you left." Her words are full of hate and blame but her eyes are filled with ghosts and unshed tears.

"I know." Lexa takes a step forward.

And then another.

"You did it to save your people," Clarke says, justifying her actions. Trying to make sense of that night.

"Yes." Another step.

"I would have done it too." It's the first time she's ever admitted it, even to herself.

Standing there alone before the mountain, everyone that was supposed to be on her side walking away, she would have done anything to get her people out. And she did. She did a horrible, horrific thing and if she was there again and had to do it over. She'd do it again. Without question.

And so she can see why Lexa betrayed her, can see that is was a choice between her own people and Clarke's and that in the end there wasn't really a choice. They'll always put their own people first.

"I know." Lexa takes another step forward and suddenly they're only a foot apart. Clarke could reach out and touch her if she trusted her hands to only cause harm.

"I hate the Commander," Clarke says, meaning every word.

"I know," Lexa whispers, her eyes bouncing over every inch of Clarke's face.

"But I don't hate you."

They walk the rest of the way to the river in silence and stay that way until Clarke's clothes are washed and laid out on the rocks to dry. Lexa sits perched on the shore, still as a statue, and waits for Clarke to be ready. Waits for her to make the next move.

"I'm pregnant," she finally says when she lowers herself down next to Lexa. Not because she particularly wants to have that conversation but because it's the biggest part of her world now and she doesn't know how to hide that from Lexa. Clarke's never been able to hide from her.

Not a single emotion crosses Lexa's face. She's suddenly extremely thankful for Titus shoving his teachings down her throat. His tutelage is the reason her mask is so impenetrable.

"How long..." Lexa breaks off halfway through the sentence, unsure of where it was going.

"Two months," Clarke responds, assuming that was her full question. She looks out over the river, focuses on the moving water and pretends that anything about this conversation is normal. "I think, I think I was planning on going back to them — my people. But now I really can't."

Lexa cocks her head, an eyebrow raises. "Why not?"

"I've already destroyed most of my soul for them, and if I went back and they asked for more of it, I'd give it to them. But," Clarke shrugs and suddenly looks like she might cry, "I need something good left inside me to raise this baby. I can't keep killing for them and love my child."

Lexa slips closer, close enough that if she wanted she could touch Clarke. But she doesn't.

"It's nice to meet you, Clarke Kom Louwada Klironkru," she finally says, the mask is gone and a smile is in its place. She holds out a hand for Clarke to shake.

Clarke takes it.

She doesn't let go for a while.

 

She's there for two more days and when Clarke isn't with her patients or Denna, she's with Lexa. They go to the river and walk in silence. They sit in the commander's tent, Clarke sketches and Lexa looks over charts and plans. Never once do they discuss the war or Skaikru. Clarke doesn't ask and Lexa never offers. It's the elephant in the room that they both take care to step over every time they speak.

Denna is overly polite with Lexa and it seems the only thing that brings them both to equal ground is discussing Clarke's pregnancy right in front of her, as if she weren't there. Clarke ignores them and goes back to making dinner.

"I leave in the morning," Lexa says her final night in the village when they're in her tent, sounding like it's her biggest regret.

"I know," Clarke murmurs, looking up from the journal she'd settled down with. "You have a job to do."

Lexa could ask her to come with her, but she'd hate herself for doing so. Clarke belongs here, not on a war council. Not anymore.

"I could come back," Lexa suggests, almost nervously.

"You could?" Clarke hates the hope in her voice a little less than she would have a few days ago.

"Yes," Lexa promises.

 

She arrives back in the village two weeks later with a far smaller entourage. This isn't the Commander checking on her people. This is Lexa Kom Trikru visiting a friend.

"I want to try something," Clarke says when they're down at the river, sitting closer together than they did the last time she was here.

She leans in, holds her herself barely an inch away. Blue eyes search green for a breath before closing to distance, her hands pushing into Lexa's hair.

That night Lexa sleeps with her hand pressed to Clarke's barely there bump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay me in comments/your thoughts please !


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for coming back!

By the time they exit the bunker, dusk has nearly settled. Clarke leads them back through the woods and into the village, her steps easy and instinctual as she walks the familiar path. Every time she almost looks back to Bellamy she forces herself to stop. To stop thinking of him as the man who was her partner for two months.

 

It's still baffling to her that they only knew each other for two months, less than that even. Even worse than that is she wasted half of her time with him hating him, arguing with him. Never took the time to learn more than what was necessary about him. To tell him that she cared. That he kept her sane when they were at the dropship and again when she had a mountain to destroy.

 

She could say the same about all of them. For two short months, that when she thinks about seem to have lasted for years, they were all each other had. Now, she has Areia and Denna and a village full of people that look to her in times of need and they have each other. There's a seven-year wall between them and she hates it and wants to tear it down. But she's also happy for its existence. Wants to keep some sort of distance between them, only because it may be what's best for everyone in the end.

 

People are beginning to congregate around the firepits that are set up at the heart of the village when she steps into it with the others behind her. Silently, she leads them toward the church and shows them in.

 

"You can sleep here tonight, we'll start looking for something more permanent tomorrow." Clarke tries to keep a smile on her face and hopes that she's enough of a stranger to them now to hide the fact that it's a struggle.

 

Bellamy's face is full of pain but when Clarke meets his eyes they're suddenly soft. She makes herself look anywhere but at him.

 

"Jackson and I should probably check you guys out tomorrow, just to make sure you're okay after so long without a doctor."

 

The words are barely out of her mouth before Monty speaks.

 

"Jackson's here?"

 

This excites the others. Her smile turns genuine. Jackson is just as much hers as he is theirs, she feels comfortable sharing him with them.

 

"Yes, he's around here somewhere, you'll probably see him at the fires tonight for dinner. He and my mom have been taking turns living here and in Polis since Wonkru left the bunker," she says matter of factly. "He's the only Skaikru member here right now, though."

 

Something flashes across Raven and Bellamy's face and she's suddenly filled with guilt. It's true though, she isn't Skaikru. She hasn't been since the day Denna told her that the village would lie for her.

 

"Other than Monty's algae almost killing me, I think we did a pretty good job without a healer," Murphy quips, attempting to break the awkward silence that had followed her words.

 

She's endlessly thankful for him.

 

"You almost died from algae?" Real concern flits across her face, along with some humor. No matter how much time has passed she still feels the need to protect them, at least that much hasn't changed.

 

"Hey I fixed that problem early on," Monty sounds like a child that just got tattled on to his mother. He glares at Murphy but there's no actual heat behind it.

 

"Well, I can pretty much promise that the food you'll eat here will be better than algae," Clarke says, quickly following it up with an apology. "No offense, Monty."

 

There's a sheepish smile on her face.

 

"I for one am looking forward to eating some meat, I miss meat," Raven says wistfully, nudging Harper with her elbow who adamantly agrees.

 

"When you're settled in and ready, just come on out. We share here so don't worry about just grabbing a plate and some food, okay?"

 

She wants them to be happy here, wants them to build a home. Wants them to be a part of her life again.

 

Well, not all of them, but there's not much she can do about Echo for now. Maybe she can convince Octavia that seven years spent eating nothing but algae was punishment enough. The thought almost brings a bubbling giggle to her lips. She stamps it down just in time.

 

Clarke leaves then, leaving them to talk and regroup without her there.

 

 

 

 

By the time they leave the church, night has completely fallen and the only light comes from the dozen fires and the moon. They're nearly immediately found by Jackson. He's exactly how they remember and the reunion is one of pure joy, even if he is a little standoffish to Echo after so many years with Octavia.

 

Bellamy catches sight of Clarke when Jackson leaves them to their own devices and heads back toward his usual fire, the rest of Spacekru follow his gaze.

 

Areia sits cross-legged on the ground before her mother, who's perched on a log beside Denna. Clarke undoes her daughter's braids, brushing through each strand until there are no tangles or knots left. The three exist around each other so easily that it gives the group pause, wondering if they have any right to interrupt. Denna says something that makes Clarke laugh so hard her entire body shakes, she smacks her leg with the back of her hand as she releases her daughter's hair.

 

The younger blonde pops up and says something they can't hear to the women before darting into the crowd.

 

Clarke's smile is still wide when they approach, plates in hand. It only falters a little when she notices them, Bellamy tries not to let himself care. She motions for them to take up spots around the fire.

 

"Settling in okay? Did you find Jackson?" Clarke asks, picking up her own plate that she'd placed to the side to deal with Areia's hair.

 

"He hasn't changed a bit," Harper says, seemingly the most at ease. Clarke makes an effort to keep her smile soft, a silent thank you. "And thank you for letting us stay in the church."

 

"Of course," Clarke says, almost offended. Did they really think there was a chance she'd leave them with nowhere to sleep? "There are a few empty houses we can fix up for you but you're welcome to stay in the church for as long as you need."

 

"Wow," Raven says as she digs into her dinner, "meat."

 

Murphy and Emori are having the same religious like experience, Clarke and Denna laugh along as they watch them moon over the meal.

 

"Mama," Areia says as she skips back over, stopping just before Clarke, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Can I camp out at the river with Madi and Kar tonight?"

 

She stands with her hands behind her back as she bounces up and down. It hits every member of Spacekru straight in the chest. Clarke has a kid. Which, of course, they already knew. But she's a mom. A mom. She created another life and it's standing in front of them now.

 

Bellamy shudders out a breath and doesn't let himself wonder.

 

Clarke's smile is so fond the others almost want to look away, like they're intruding on a moment they have not right to.

 

"Sure, but I want you back here an hour after first light, you have lessons tomorrow."

 

"Thank you!" Areia surges forward and presses a kiss to Clarke's and then Denna's cheeks. "Goodnight!"

 

"Goodnight," the women chorus in return.

 

Clarke's daughter spins on her heels and comes face to face with her mother's old friends. Her eyes settle on Bellamy for a second longer and then she's darting back to her friends.

 

Madi's mother passes them then, a knowing smile on her face. "Remember when they weren't running from you every chance they had, and just wanted to sleep in your arms."

 

"Don't remind me," Clarke nearly whines.

 

Gretta soothes a hand over Clarke's cheek as she moves on.

 

"It's your beard," Clarke says when she turns back to the group and sees a worried look cross Bellamy's features. "I drew all of you to go along with my stories and well, you didn't have a beard the last time I saw you. So it's just — unexpected for us."

 

She's not lying. Not really. The beard is strange, to her and Areia. But her daughter has plenty of reasons to be confused about her feelings toward Spacekru.

 

"I agree," Murphy pipes up, "the beard's weird."

 

Clarke decides he's her new favorite.

 

"I never said it was weird," Clarke fake scoffs.

 

"It's just —" Denna starts, whether to help or tease her, Clarke isn't sure, "different, right? Different isn't always bad."

 

She directs the last statement toward Clarke and it takes all of her self control not to roll her eyes.

 

"Mhmm," she hums noncommittally.

 

Denna grins.

 

"Well, I should go," Denna says as she rises, elbowing Clarke as she goes.

 

Clarke sticks her tongue out at her.

 

"Very mature," Denna says as she walks away.

 

"Thank you!" Clarke calls after her.

 

"How long have you been together?" Emori asks, seemingly genuinely interested.

 

Clarke laughs but is unsurprised. Emori is certainly not the first person to make the assumption. Clarke is closer to Denna than anyone on earth. Every difficult thing that's happened in the past seven years, they've handled together. Including Praimfaya II and the birth of Areia. If she trusts anyone, it's Denna. Clarke knows that no matter what, they'll always be there for each other.

 

"She's my," Clarke pauses to search for the right words to describe them, "best friend."

 

She shrugs. Knows that the word is inadequate.

 

They talk for a while after that, until most of the fires are dying down and her people have begun returning to their homes. They tell her about the ring. About birthdays and games they made up and jokes she wouldn't have gotten if they hadn't told her. Clarke tells them about the people here, what their lives are like. How it felt to reunite with the bunker after so long.

 

She doesn't tell them that she shrinks from leadership because before she was in charge here, she was in charge with them and it lead to her destroying a civilization. She doesn't say that she still has nightmares and that Denna is the only person that can talk her down.

 

She doesn't tell them that her worst fear is that her daughter is going to grow up to be her. That the world will change again and Wanheda II will be necessary.

 

Clarke keeps a smile on her face and laughter in her lungs. She keeps it light and simple and knows that they have many many years ahead of them to get to the bad stuff.

 

"You should all get some rest," she says when she sees Raven yawn. "In the morning come to my house and we can talk about what you want to do and how you want to restart your lives."

 

She points toward a house a few buildings down from the church.

 

They say goodnight and disperse.

 

 

 

 

When there's a knock on her door the next morning she calls for them to come in. She can't remember the last time she was behind a locked door.

 

They take a moment to look around when they enter. Most of the house is open and without barriers. There is a curtain to the right that's pushed open, revealing a bedroom. A ladder leads to a loft that's too high up to see into. The far wall is dominated by a fireplace that's surrounded by cushions and chairs.

 

There are paintings and sketches all around the room. Some of them, some of people they know and some they don't. There are many of Areia throughout her childhood, from a baby to some that could have been painted yesterday.

 

The wall to the left is nearly all windows. Clarke stands in a nook that juts out of that wall, a curtain hangs there as well. She's wearing a loose, faded orange cotton dress that falls to the floor. Her feet are bare.

 

She'd been painting when they walked in and still held the brush but quickly sets it down and walks from the nook, only closing the curtain behind her and blocking their view when she noticed a few of them zeroing in on the subject of the painting.

 

"Lexa?" Bellamy asks, pointing toward the curtain as if she'd be confused about who he meant.

 

"Uhm, yeah." Clarke smiles and leaves it at that, hoping that they will too. She leads them over to the cushions near the hearth, lowering herself to the ground. "How are you this morning?"

 

While Raven and Echo share pointed looks, the group joins her.

 

"Good," Monty finally pipes up. "It's still so strange to be back on Earth though."

 

Clarke knew it would be. There's no way they could spend seven years in space only to return to the ground and pick up where they left off. It's going to take some time, for everyone, to readjust.

 

"That makes sense," she says with a small smile. "So, do you have any thoughts about what you want to do now? I don't mean that we need to put you to work immediately, but if I'm remembering correctly, most of you don't know how to be idle for long."

 

Clarke wonders if seven years is long enough to change someone's base personality.

 

"Well you're not wrong there," Emori says, sending a look toward Murphy.

 

He looks fake offended for five seconds before he smiles and agrees.

 

"Well we don't really have a Guard here, so that's not really an option but you could join the hunters." Her gaze moves to Raven, "And feel free to mess around with the tech in the bunker if you want."

 

Raven opens her mouth to respond when the door opens and Areia barrels through.

 

"I'm late!" she exclaims as she runs through the room and begins to climb the ladder, apparently unbothered by the people sitting with her mother.

 

"I know," her mother responds, obviously not mad.

 

"Madi bet Kar that her rock could hit the other bank and we lost track of time," she says as she races around the loft out of sight.

 

"I was judging," she adds when she pokes her head over the railing and then starts to climb down, "Madi won."

 

"You better hurry, lessons start soon," Clarke tells her, voice never anything but soft.

 

"I know I know." When she reaches the ground she faces the room, a smile on her face. Whatever her feelings toward the group were yesterday, they're improved today.

 

Mostly.

 

"Are we friends with her?" Areia asks, her gaze slipping toward Echo and then back to her mother. "'Tavia is not going to be happy."

 

"We will discuss this later and 'Tavia is going to have to deal."

 

Clarke raises her brow.

 

Areia sighs but says goodbye to the group and then is back out the door.

 

"Sorry," she directs the word at Echo, meaning the word even if she knows how much pain the woman has caused. Her call with Octavia the night before was rough. "Areia is... opinionated."

 

But so is she.

 

"I understand," Echo repeats her words from yesterday, and like before Clarke believes her.

 

Clarke thanks her with a smile.

 

"Any thoughts about what you want to do with the rest of your lives?" She asks, if only to get away from the sudden tension and awkwardness in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me a little longer than i had hoped, but the chapter is also longer so.... i hope you're still enjoying the story! i'm fayrefallen on tumblr !


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is very bellarke heavy, you're welcome

Seven years may have changed a lot of things, but one of them is not how aware Bellamy is of Clarke. He watches her move through the village with an easy smile on her lips, orange dress swirling around her boots.  
 

They'd left her house a little while after Areia had dashed through. They all had a lot of thinking to do and she was relaxed when she told them to take some time, and reminded them that their decisions didn't have to be permanent. The other members of Spacekru had dispersed to explore their new home, but Bellamy was waiting to get Clarke alone for a moment.  
  


He watched as she walked toward a clothesline with a basket held at her hip and proceeded to hang up the clean sheets it held.  
  


He watched as she held a baby in her arms while his mother hung up her own laundry, cooing and pressing gentle kisses to his cheeks as she did.  
  


He watched as she eased the tension between two arguing teenagers, almost immediately getting them on her side.  
  


When she picked up an empty basket from her porch and strode into the woods, Bellamy followed.  
  


The forest quickly swallows them up, the only light trickling in through the leaves about. Every once and a while Clarke knelt to dig up a root or pluck a few leaves from a plant.

  
She let him stay behind her for a while, wondering if he'd speak up first. Clarke didn't blame him for his clumsily loud feet, he'll have to retrain himself to walk silently on Earth.

  
"Are you planning on stalking me for the rest of the day," she asks when she suddenly spins around and makes him jump, "or can you just spit out what you want to say."

  
Her words are filled with sarcasm but the smile on her face is fond. She recognizes this Bellamy, the one that gets quieter the more he wants to talk to you.  
  


"I wasn't—" he starts but, well, she's not that far off so he changes gears. "We haven't gotten a chance to talk alone and I just... wanted to catch up."  
  


Bellamy's grasping at straws and he knows it. He just wanted to be with her.

  
"We're not alone now, though." She's smirking now. "I would guarantee you my left foot that when you followed me out here, someone followed you. My people are... protective."

  
"Oh." He looks embarrassed.  
  


Clarke only enjoys it slightly.  
  


"Whoever followed Bellamy out here can go home," she calls into the forest before moving her gaze back to the man before her, "he'd never hurt me."  
  


She doesn't know why, but she wants him to know that she still believes that. Seven years later and if it came down to it, Clarke would still trust him with her life. Maybe he's changed in a million other ways, and maybe she has too, but they're still on the same page there.  
  


There's a rustle and then purposely loud footsteps head back toward the village. Clarke nods her head back in the direction she was heading and when she starts walking again, Bellamy's at her side.  
  


"I thought you were dead."

  
He wants to kick himself. Why the hell did he start there?  
  


"I'm sorry," she says it like she means it. "I never intended to stay away forever, I just needed time to wrap my head around what I'd done and to figure out how to live with it. And then I was pregnant and I just kept thinking that there was no way I could keep enough of my soul intact to raise a baby in Arkadia. I would have come back, I would have let you know I was okay, but then Praimfaya hit and — I lost my chance."  
  


It all falls from her mouth in a matter of seconds. Like she's desperate to let him know that she hadn't intentionally abandoned him.  
  


Bellamy is silent for the next few steps, soaking in her words. There's a wrinkle between his brow, the one he gets when he's deep in concentration. She lets him work his way through it.  
  


"I don't blame you for not coming back, I'm honestly," there's suddenly a smile on his face, "so happy for you."  
  


She almost stumbles she's so surprised by the words.  
  


"You did what you had to for yourself and your child, how could I ever fault you for that?"  
  


His arm brushes hers as they walk. Clarke doesn't let it affect her.  
  


She doesn't.  
  


It's not that she was in love with him when she walked away after the Mountain, because she wasn't. Or maybe she was and just didn't realize it until it was too late. The longer they were apart, the more she wanted him back at her side. She loved Lexa, but maybe she loved him too.  
  


And maybe that's okay.  
  


"I'm just saying, I thought you were dead and I missed you. I've missed you for seven years, Clarke."  
  


At some point, they must have stopped because she's now looking up at him. Clarke had forgotten how damn tall he is.

  
"I'm not dead," she says like she's trying to convince him.

  
"Yes, I can see that now."

  
His grin is wide and effortless and it's almost too easy to let a matching one slide over her lips.

  
"You don't have to miss me anymore." Clarke tries to say it as a joke, mostly it just sounds like she wants him around forever.

  
"We're still friends?" He cocks his head and all she wants to do is hug him.

  
"We'll always be friends, Bellamy."

 

 

He accompanies her the rest of the way, listens when she tells him about the medicinal plants she's harvesting. It's easy to pretend that they're seven years younger and that the dropship is just around the next bend. That Finn and Jasper and the rest of the hundred are alive. That they only have a few minutes of solitude before the kids back at camp are calling for them.

  
Bellamy doesn't ask her anything important, at first, and she doesn't offer anything.

  
They're on their way back to the village when he asks, "your soul?"

  
"What?" She has to crane her neck up to look at him as they walk.

  
"You said that you needed your soul to be intact to raise Areia and that you couldn't do that in Arkadia."

  
"Don't take this the wrong way, okay?" When he nods, she continues on. "I have no self-control when it comes to my people — the hundred, skaikru, and now here. I kept tearing out pieces of my soul to keep everyone alive. The ring of fire, slitting a man's throat, Finn, the Mountain... There wasn't much left inside me when I left and I knew that if I went back, permanently, I'd see you in trouble and I'd just react, I'd do something horrific and I'd truly lose my ability to be good. Or to love. At least that's how I saw it."

  
Bellamy's quiet until they reach the edge of the village. Clarke doesn't press him, doesn't even look at him. He'll talk when he's ready. They stand there for a bit watching her people live their lives. Areia's class is lead from their schoolhouse and into the forest in the opposite direction. Clarke waves when she spots her.

  
"Thank you," he finally says, his voice rough and low.

  
"For what?" she leans back against a tree and turns her focus to him.

  
"For everything, we took you for granted. Just expected you to save us over and over." He shuffles a little closer, his hands in his pockets just like he used to when he was nervous. "I wish you would have told me."

  
Talking about her feelings has never been Clarke's strong suit.

  
"I didn't mind doing it." Saving them, she means. "And if it hadn't been for Areia, I would have come back and done it over and over again. But I had to do what was best for her."

  
"I'm glad you did."

  
Echo passes through the center of the village with Raven at her side, Clarke figures it's okay to ask.

  
"You're together?"

  
Bellamy looks confused before catching up and realizing who she means.

  
He shakes his head. "We were for about a year on the Ring, but it didn't last. We're too different."

  
Bellamy shrugs like he's unbothered by it, she doubts that's true.

  
"You and Lexa?"

  
Clarke had hoped he wouldn't read too much into the painting. From what Octavia has told her, none of them were Lexa's biggest fans after Clarke left.

  
"Before the Mountain," Clarke says honestly, "and after."

  
He cocks his head, raises a brow.

  
"She used to visit me here, promised she wouldn't tell anyone that she found me."

  
He swallows whatever he really wants to say to that. Clarke's almost glad.

  
"I don't blame you for how you and Octavia feel about Echo. The others don't like it and well neither do I but, she earned out trust and forgiveness on the ring. Hopefully, she'll get that chance here too, do you think Octavia will let her?"

  
Clarke sighs and wishes she weren't everyone's secret keeper. "I think you should talk to your sister, Bellamy. It's not my story to tell."

  
Bellamy nods. He goes back to watching the village, and she watches him.

  
Watches his face, tries to count his freckles, studies the beard and longer hair. Grants herself the liberty to soak in as much of him as she wants.

  
Love or not. Lust or not. Partners or not.

  
She's always been drawn to him, even during those first few days at the dropship when all she wanted was to throttle him.

  
"I missed you too." Blue eyes wait for brown when she finally speaks. Her features soft, every mask she's built gone for the time being. "The past seven years, I've missed you."

  
Even when they were at odds, when they were arguing and driving each other crazy, they were partners. They were in it together and she was never alone. Clarke may have always carried the burden of her guilt on her own, but she knew, even back then, that if she turned to him he'd take the weight off of her.

  
"I'm so sorry I left you alone," she whispers the words because the sudden emotion in her throat won't let her speak any louder. "I never meant to leave you for so long."

  
Clarke wonders if he's wondering the same thing. Wondering what would have happened if she had stayed. If she didn't have to keep so many things from him.

  
"Clarke."

  
He's moving and then his arms are around her and she can finally release a breath she's been holding since she walked away from the gates.

  
Bellamy pulls her to him, his arms around her shoulders, a hand moving up into her hair. She buries her face in his neck and snakes her arms around his middle, her hands gripping his jacket.

 

 

  
By the time they part, their breathing has completely synced. Their bodies completely relaxed. Something that was missing falls right back into place.

  
Maybe seven years hasn't changed too much.

  
Clarke looks up at him, a smile blooming on her lips.

  
Damn.

  
She'd missed him.

  
She sticks out her hand, like someone had done to her seven years ago, "Welcome back to Earth, Bellamy Blake, I'm Clarke Kom Louwada Klironkru, Haiplana of Shallow Valley."

  
His responding grin is blinding.

  
"That's quite a mouthful," he says around his chuckle, taking her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Clarke Kom Louwada Klironkru, you remind me of someone I used to know."

  
Clarke laughs, loud and free, and pokes him in the ribs.

  
Damn.

  
He'd missed her.

 

 

They go their separate ways, Bellamy to catch up with his friends, Clarke to their small hospital. She spends the next few hours sorting out the plants she had gathered, treating the small ailments people come in with.

  
The next time they see each other, night has fallen. Tonight, some of the villagers have instruments out, tuning them while everyone eats.

  
She sits next to Bellamy while Areia is across from them interrogating Murphy about the ring. Wanting to know exactly what space is like, despite having heard stories of the Ark from her mother. People stop by their fire, some to chat with Clarke about something the other's have no history with, others to acquaint themselves to the newcomers. Clarke introduces Bellamy to Arlo, who offers to let him join the next day's hunt.

  
It's only been two days, but Clarke hopes that things continue on this way. That they'll find true homes and places in the village.

  
Denna comes dancing over once the music has started, a cup in her hand that she's obviously already downed. Her smile is loose, hips swaying. Quickly on her way to tipsy.

  
"Come on," she grips Clarke's hand and pulls her up from the log, "I need a partner."

  
Clarke turns to say her excuses to her friends but Denna tugs on her hand and before she can speak she's swallowed up by the small crowd of bodies.

  
It's not long before she loses herself in the music, forgetting the trouble her friends have brought with them, the secrets she's having to swallow. Ignores the fact that when she closes her eyes she sees a field of freckles as if they were stars.

  
Her hips move without thought, blonde hair swaying with each movement. The dress flares out when she twirls, hands toward the sky, head thrown back in rapture. Completely without burden, she doesn't allow any of her fears to encroach on her thoughts. Clarke lets the music seep into her veins and clear her mind.

  
Bellamy's so focused on every move Clarke makes that it takes him several songs to realize that Areia is watching him. When he turns to her she smiles, like she knows more than he does, and dashes off to join in. Clarke spins her when her daughter reaches them, the pair laughing effortlessly, the spitting image of each other.

  
If the other members of Spacekru are watching him watch them, he doesn't notice, or at least doesn't acknowledge them.

 

 

Bellamy, Harper, and Echo begin going out with the hunting parties. Monty starts making friends with the farmers and every time Clarke sees him, his hands are covered in dirt. Raven and Emori spend most of their time in the bunker messing with the hundred-year-old tech. She doesn't know how Murphy spends his days and figures she should give him some time before she asks.

  
Bellamy never again has to follow her out of the village because every time she goes to gather more herbs, Clarke asks if he wants to come with her.

  
He says yes every time.

  
She doesn't always sit with them at dinner after the first few nights. Clarke has always made it a point to moves throughout the fires, making sure that everyone is happy, that they have a chance to bring up any issues they may have. Usually, Denna goes with her. Areia will too if she's not already eating with her friends.

  
Somedays they don't even see Clarke until it's dark but she's always there, walking around the fires with a plate in hand. Occasionally Denna will nudge her with her elbow and remind her to take bites between sentences.

  
When she does sit with them, it's momentarily awkward, trying to find how they fit together now, but it's not long before she can't breathe because she's laughing so hard. Before her hand is gripping Bellamy's jacket to keep her from slipping from the log.

  
"I was not that bad." Bellamy's arms are crossed and she wants to kiss the pout off his face.

  
She may be a little tipsy.

  
Maybe.

  
"You strung up Atom for making out with your sister," Harper exclaims around her laugh.

  
Clarke slides closer to Raven to further herself from the temptation that is Bellamy Blake.

 

 

Clarke wakes up screaming the next day and they don't see her, Denna, or Areia all day. When Bellamy finds her the morning after and asks where she was, she smiles and says she'd been busy.

 

 

She convinces Octavia to speak to Bellamy two weeks after they landed, makes her promise to at least listen to her brother. A half an hour he storms out of her house and past her perched on the porch without a word. Clarke goes inside and settles down with the radio.

  
"Did you tell him?"

  
"Did you?" Octavia fires back.

  
"He loves you, O. You should tell him what happened."

  
"He loves you too."

  
"Octavia Blake." Clarke uses such a mothering tone that Octavia doesn't argue back again.

  
Of course, she loves him, and he loves her. Not romantically, she's sure, but because they went through hell together. You can't experience the things they did without forming some sort of unbreakable bond.

  
She forgets that Octavia said anything and goes to find her brother.

  
He's at the river.

  
"Why is it that this is where everyone goes when they're upset?" She asks when she steps out of the forest and onto the rocky embankment. "Maybe we all expect the water to wash away our troubles."

  
She tries to smile.

  
Bellamy doesn't.

  
Clarke walks to where he's sitting and settles down beside him, prepared to sit there as long as she needs to, despite how uncomfortable the section of rock he's chosen is.

  
They're there for an hour before he finally breaks the silence.

  
"She's so different."

  
"She's still Octavia," Clarke almost promises.

  
"Really?" He sounds like he really doesn't believe her and it nearly breaks her heart.

  
"She's been through a lot, Bellamy," she rubs a hand over his back, wants him to look at her, trust her, "and so have you. She'll tell you when she's ready, for now just be patient."

  
Clarke shrugs.

  
"And maybe don't bring up Echo the next time I convince her to talk to you."

  
Bellamy huffs, his shoulders falling.

 

 

Village life doesn't change much from day to day, they all settle into routines and soon they've been on the ground for a month and the summit is quickly approaching.

  
"What happens at the summit," Emori asks one night when Clarke sits with them, half leaning against Murphy, after hearing about the preparations being made earlier that day.

  
"Mostly just a lot of reunions and dancing and well — drinking." Clarke chuckles before taking a bite of boar. "We only call it the summit because it needed a name but nothing official really happens there. Polis is under Octavia's rule and the valley under — mine."

  
She rolls her eyes and huffs, annoyed at the reminder of her power. Areia's head is propped up against her knee, already half asleep, and she runs her fingers through her loose hair as she speaks.

  
"Really it's just a chance to see each other, and for some of their people to move here and vice versa. It's not as important as it sounds."

  
None of them bring up the trial that will be taking place at this one, making it very important.

  
By the time everyone gets up to go to their homes, Areia has completely succumbed to sleep. Clarke has placed a hand on her shoulder to shake her awake when Bellamy suddenly says, "I can carry her back."

  
Clarke almost has a heart attack.

  
"You don't have to."

  
She hopes he can't see her blush in the light of the dying fire.

  
He doesn't say anything if he does.

  
"I don't mind."

  
With incredible care, he lifts Areia into his arms and starts toward Clarke's home. She stands at the fire, blinking rapidly, before her brain finally restarts and she's able to jog after them to hold open the door.

  
"Just put her down here," Clarke moves ahead of him, trying not look at him while he's holding her daughter, and pulls back the curtain that separates her room from the rest of the house. There's no way he'd get Areia up to her loft.

  
Bellamy lowers her into Clarke's bed and then, before he turns, pulls off her boots and raises the furs up to cover her.

  
"Goodnight, Clarke." He says as he passes, suddenly looking just as unsteady as she feels.

  
By the time she responds, he's already gone.

  
When Clarke's changed she slides in on the other side of her bed, Areia almost immediately nudges into her side, eyes still closed.

  
"I like him," she murmurs, half asleep.

  
"I like him too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter gave me so many feels it should be illegal. let me know what you think!
> 
> feel free to bug me on tumblr @fayrefallen!


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